Long Lost Wallys

Every so often I get an email from someone who has searched for me on the web because their treasured Wally mug, plate or bowl has broken and they need a replacement. The most recent request came from Mark in Washington DC and the mug that broke was an old design that I vaguely remembered… something about smoking, nihilism and angst. For some reason I couldn’t recall all the details of this one and a search through my filing cabinet couldn’t produce a photo of the mystery design. Fortunately, Mark sent me a pic of the broken mug and a replacement is forthcoming in this week’s kiln load. But the search for the “lost” Wally adventure got me thinking that I really should get my archival act together. So in the interest of posterity, I’m posting below a whole bunch of ancient Wally adventures. Folk art curators of the future take note… all of these are out there somewhere!

“Wally descending a staircase” (a la Marcel Duchamp)
Wally gets an NEA grant to wrap himself in an American flag and sit in a vat of lemon jello
Here it is! The highly controversial Mapplethorpe portrait of Wally
Wally channels Andy (Warhol) and hits the party circuit
Wally still can’t figure out the lyrics to “LA Woman”
Wally and Axl Rose do a killer cover version of “When I’m Sixty-Four”
Wally goes to a punk rock nightclub
Wally gets front row seats to a Morrisey concert and becomes celibate
Wally gets a B-52 to sing backup on his new album and has his biggest commercial success ever
New age superstar, “Walli” opens at a Yanni concert with his shimmering cover version of “Holiday in Cambodia”
Wally, the world-class charades master, plays a round where he must non-verbally communicate the titles of old Brian Eno songs
Wally convinces the Jerry Garcia band to do an eighteen minute cover version of “The six Finger Jingle” WTF! This is the most ridiculous and esoteric joke I’ve ever done! – Tom
Wally and Mr. Rogers become vampires and do a late-night infomercial
Most dogs simply eat grass…. Wally watches “Thirtysomething”
Agent Cooper notices a curious, distinct pattern in the donut scenes in”Twin Peaks”
Wally goes to Hell and listens to the same Barney tape forever
Wally casts Lorena Bobbitt in the leading role in “Edwina Scissorhands”
Wally stars in the low-budget sci-fi epic, “The Two-Headed Dog from Pluto”
Wally, the bravest dog on Earth, operates a leaf blower at Sean and Madonna’s house at six in the morning
Wally takes The Pope to a rave
Wally attains cult status
A Wally cult member goes crazy
Wally’s friends get worries when he becomes a complete Susan Powter fanatic
Wally humps a watermelon
Wally gets his watermelon a sexy new outfit
Wally gets kinky… menage a trois with watermelon
Wally’s adventures with watermelons create a litter of little wallymelons
Wally lands his total dream job: product durability tester at Aacme Love Dolls, Inc.
Wally goes straight to the tabloids with shocking polaroids of hmself and Bill Clinton
Hillary Rodham Clinton gives Wally the job of enforcing her new health care program
Wally and Tipper Gore star in the environmentally correct remake of “Easy Rider”
Wally and Dan Quayle take the stealth bomber to Vegas
Wally and Dan Quayle fantasize about having a bloodless coup d’etat here in The United States
Wally bumps into Ted Kennedy and Pee Wee Herman at the all-night liquor store, porno shop and dog biscuit emporium
Wally and Al Gore go to a Marky Mark lookalike contest
Wally pulls quite a prank on Japanese Candid Camera
Wally deciphers Al Gores book and finds himself living in an old “Twilight Zone” episode
Wally’s mother reveals that Bob Packwood is Wally’s father
Wally and Godzilla get a great advertising gig for the Mothra Twins
Wally gets Tonya Harding a job advertising “The Club”
Wally’s gay ski shop in Aspen goes broke and he is forced to burn his Barbar Steisand records for warmth
Wally and Mother Teresa blow off World Youth Day and hit the outlet stores in Silverthorne
Wally finds a miracle buffalo pie at the base of the Mother Cabrini Shrine…. is it the divine image of Elvis or Jesus?
Wally gets his very own cold war surplus MX missile
Wally and Joe Camel summon the spirit of Sigmund Freud
Wally gets Rush Limbaugh a date with a feminazi
In a shameless ploy for media attention, Wally agrees to a conjugal visit with Amy Fisher
Wally’s bogus environmental organization raises enough money to sponsor a spotted owl driver in the Indy 500
Nike and The Grateful Dead hire Wally and Ken Kesey to promote their new shoe

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